Saturday 7 December 2013

Adventurer's Log #12: Miss S lets go

Let's just say November was a busy month and leave it at that for why I haven't written a post in over a month :)

Life has been pretty crazy; good, but crazy.  The last month has felt like a blur and now I can't believe that Christmas is in less than three weeks.  Two weeks from now and I will be relaxing with my family.  Three weeks from now and I will be visiting with Mr. Charming.  These are very good things.

This last week has been... interesting.  It hasn't been bad, but it has been a little rougher than most of my weeks.  When it comes to my students it has been fantastic.  Twice this week I had some of my kids stay after school to talk with me.  One day it was to discuss how all of Jane Austen's novels have set the paradigms of the romance genre as we know it today.  Yesterday they were talking about passages in the Bible that they have trouble swallowing.

Do you want to know how to feel wholly inadequate?  Listen to seventeen year olds tell you what they have a hard time with when it comes to Scripture.  You do your best to try to answer some of their questions, but at time the best you can do is simply listen. 

To be honest, I think the reason this week has been so rough is because I'm lonely.  Now this sounds kind of silly considering I was helping out with the school play last night and was completely surrounded by people, and I'm hanging out with some friends tonight.

But lonely I am.

I miss my family.  I miss Mr. Charming.

I thought the fact that Christmas was coming soon would make it easier to push through the "missing."  But it doesn't.  I think it makes it worse.

So here I am curling up under blankets on my couch waiting to get picked up for tonight (and, for the record, I'm incredibly stoked about tonight: good food, good company, and cheesy Christmas movies?  Heck, yes!).  And I'm trying hard to not feel sorry for myself since really there isn't anything to feel sorry about.

Anyway, I plugged in my iPod and thought I would take a nap and listen to some music.  I ended up putting on "After the World" by the band Disciple.  Below is the chorus of the song:

"I'm the one that you've been looking for,
I'm the one that you've been waiting for,
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born. 
I will love you after the rain falls down,
I will love you after the sun goes out,
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more."

The song started to play and I just started to cry.  You would think I would learn the lesson to go to God with how I'm feeling and give it to Him.  To collapse in His arms and allow Him to stroke my hair, hold me close, and remind me that He is so much bigger than anything I am feeling.

I don't know why this lesson is so hard to learn.  I don't know why it is so hard for me to realize that He cares about me enough to want me to go to Him with what I'm dealing with.  To take my struggles, my emotions, my rough days, and hand them over to Him.

So that's what I'm going to do.  Curl up in the arms of my Heavenly Father and let it go.

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